Lyme Aware

While I’m happy that the Babesia is pretty much out of the picture, I’m also disappointed that this let Bartonella get a stronghold. 

When you come to realize that the dream of you lashing out has become a reality.

As Bartonella becomes stronger within, the dreams you have are more intense and vivid.  And, when you’re awake, it’s as if you are in a room made up of glass walls and ceilings with no doors.  You stand at the walls, watching yourself.  When you see yourself out of character, you stand pounding on the walls trying to break free to grab your outer self from doing what you feel is wrong. 

When the Bad ‘ol Ella Geiser blows, it’s often not physically.  It’s emotionally (for me). For those that paint, it may show up in your paintings. For those that play music, it’s in how hard intense the music comes out. And, for those that use their words, it comes out verbally or in written form.  Whatever way it is displayed, it tends to hurt someone other than myself. 

“With my Babesia, I’m the only one that is getting hurt, with Bartonella it’s more likely that I will hurt someone else.”

Bartonella has not been an issue for me for several years even decades, however, since my nemesis, Babesia, has been controlled, I have found that it is beginning to concern me more so. 

Recently, the Geiser blew, it came after several sleepless nights and in the wee morning hours when I was weak from utter exhaustion.  It came through my words in what seemed to be a dream, only to awaken and realize that it wasn’t just a dream.

In my despair, I tried to smooth it over, but then that Bart rage kicked in and I, once again, saw myself at that glass wall, pounding to try to get myself to stop.  What seemed like forever, was only several minutes, but I broke free! I stopped myself and tried to erase what had transpired. Only to come and find out later, that I hurt someone that I cared for, this is what hurt me the most.  It brought back memories of years and years ago, when the Geiser blew and what I said hurt someone that I really loved and cared for.  She came to forgive me, but we never were as close as we used to be. 

My happiness over Babesia has dimmed, because it is only me that it hurts and with Bartonella, it may hurt my loved ones, close friends and those that I have only begun to get to know. 

For those that have no idea of how Bartonella affects your emotions, they will just perceive it as a “rant,” “temper tantrum,” “hateful” or “ungrateful” but for those that battle with it; it is so much more!

Please share with us and others, how Bartonella has affected your emotions or how it has displayed itself to others.