Grief Does Not do a Body Good

Grief Does Not do a Body Good

When you heard from me last, I was feeling at a loss with my mother’s struggle with Dementia/Alzheimer’s and its effects on her. In January another angel was called to heaven. (Mom, I will miss you dearly.)

Grief has a great effect on your health, last July I was grieving for the loss of the mother that I had always known. It began to take its toll then, but I was able to recoup quickly. I owe my strength to deal with anything that comes my way from my mother and father. My mother was one of the strongest people I have ever known. At that time, I was preparing myself for the worst. All the preparation in the world doesn’t take away the heartbreak of losing someone.

After I heard the news, I knew that I had to do everything I could to support and boost my immune system. Grief makes you susceptible to diseases, in my case, I was susceptible to my dreaded beasts Babesia, Lyme and Bartonella. Emotional stress wreaks havoc on your body and grief can exacerbate an existing disease or illness.

As I had in the past with my brother and father, I held strong, I did what had to be done to assure things went smoothly with the services. Did what I felt was necessary to assure that her wishes were fulfilled. It wasn’t until about a week or two after I arrived home, I came down with the dreaded flu. On the third day, I felt worse than I had in a long, long time. I awoke with horrific nerve and back pain; it was then that I knew that the beasts had come back. It still didn’t keep me from hoping that I was wrong, but each day I could sense that my body was preparing for a battle. Symptoms that I had with Babesia reappeared each day. I knew that it would be at least a month before I could get in to see my doc. I began self-treating myself with some herbals that I had stocked up just in case.

My doc confirmed my own diagnosis. It had progressed a bit more quickly than it had in the past. We began our attack with an arsenal of herbs and Mepron. It wasn’t going to be a short stint. We figured it would be at least four to six months at least. I geared myself up. We decided that we should see how I was doing in two months. Thank goodness we did because my progress came to a halt after about a month and three weeks.

My sweetheart and I were fearful that I would have to try using Lariam once again. We both recalled how that had affected me previously. I do not ever want to experience those dark thoughts again and the paranoia that also came with it. What a sense of relief we felt when the doc didn’t think that Lariam would help me get over the hump. That quickly was replaced with another sense of fear when I was informed that a blood test had to be performed to see if I could take the medication that was suggested.

The fear continued to grow when I went home to do a little more research on the medication, primaquine. I became even more fearful when I saw the terminology “a radical cure for malaria”. However, it made sense when I continued to do more research. Primaquine after the uses of other medications “have killed the malaria parasites living inside red blood cells. Primaquine then kills the malaria parasites living in other body tissues. This prevents the return of the infection.”

So, now I am awaiting to hear the results of the blood test to see if I can begin taking Primaquine.

I had to see what I was in for, weigh my options, consider the past, and look to my future.

The results were in; in conversing with doc, he warned me that I would have a Herxheimer reaction to Primaquine. My first reaction was frustration and anger. Then fear, how am I going to continue to work? Why don’t people dealing with tick-borne diseases have the ability to take medical leave? Is it the lack of recognition or ignorance toward these diseases being “chronic”? It is already affecting my performance at work especially with the violent nightmares/vivid dreams, trouble or slowed thinking, short term memory loss and encephalopathy not to mention the other symptoms flushing pressure-like headaches, shortness of breath, air hunger, chest pains, heart palpitations, dry cough, fatigue, dizziness, fevers, chills, sense of imbalance, nerve pain, nausea and night sweats. I am thankful that the nerve pain is minimal and I am free of arthritic pain.

Nonetheless, in a nutshell, I have to do what I think is best for me in the long run. I also have to try things that we feel will be best for my health. If not, I will be left with the gnawing thought: what if? If I don’t try it and continue to get worse, I’ll wonder. At least if I have tried everything I could and didn’t improve, I know I gave it my all.

It is now time to do what has to be done and wait and see how it unfolds.