Why Not End it All Now? Contemplating Suicide
I’m not so sure if I am herxing, this just feels different. I looked at the side effects, and a few of the things I’m feeling were under severe side effects and to call doc right away. I feel like a wimp but these last few days have been even harder to get through than “usual”–pretty sad when poorly is an adjective you use to let others know how you are feeling daily.
When we moved here, after a few weeks here, I was on the top of the world. I felt like I had a new beginning.
Now years later, these past few months have been very difficult; I must, I must continue to fight and to try staying positive.
It has been quite a task to breathe today. I made myself do a few things, but it took a lot out of me. I just have to concentrate on functioning and not letting this take over my life. I have to continue no matter what…I need to beat this…I can beat this…I can beat this…I will not let these parasites win. I need to get through tonight. I will get through tonight. Lord, please give me the strength to remain strong and positive…
As I was gasping for air, my throat is beginning to close up,
for a split second, the thought came to me: What the heck! Just end it all now.
It wasn’t because I didn’t want to go on. I have endured far worse than this before. Or, that it was too much for me. I just thought that if I could end it all now, I would release the burden that I have been placing on my sweetheart for so long.
Contemplating suicide is a common thing with those dealing with Lyme Disease.
Then, I saw his face, filled with sheer horror and worry, and my instincts or good sense took over. How in the world would a thought like that pop into my head? I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to swallow the allergy pill or water. I had to swallow it! It just wouldn’t go down; with more effort, I was able to swallow it.
What came over me???
What in the world took over me???
I look back at this moment and think: Wow! Thank goodness I was able to swallow those allergy pills, by the time the ambulance would have arrived; it may have been too late. I had never taken Bactrim before; how would I have known I was so allergic to this antibiotic. (Suicide is a major problem with those that suffer chronically from Lyme Disease.)
Gratitude: Lessons Learned:
