Your Heartbreaks are Their Heartbreaks

“Rely on the three G’s to get you through… first and foremost, God for direction, guidance and wisdom…Google for the necessary research…Guts to get you through the tough times.” ~ Les Roberts

As I sat here in front of my computer trying to re-create a week’s worth of work that I lost last week, I couldn’t help but overhear my husband with his long lost high school friend. You could hear the excitement and the joy as his friend shared the happenings of his life in the last 20 years. Every once in a while he would add something to what he heard, a laugh would escape from his lips or an “oh”.

Before I realized it, he was sharing the successes, trials and tribulations of his life with me. As I listened, it occurred to me that this friend was either a part of our wedding or at the blessed event. My first bout with Lyme Disease left me at a loss of some of my memories. Then I heard it, Lyme Disease, my ears perked up, then as I was lost in thought for a bit, he asked, “it was Babesia right?” I listened to him explain my experience with it, and how he thought I may have finally beat it because I have been doing exceptionally well. (You have to remember my biggest obstacle was Babesia and the Lyme/Bartonella were my minor obstacles to overcome.)

He didn’t give him a short and quick answer but began to explain to him what it was, how, in most cases, it was transmitted by ticks. He didn’t leave it there, he continued with the intricacies of transmission and the treatment. He began describing my treatment. I could only conclude that his friend asked how it’s treated or something on those lines. I was truly touched. His description was immense. He used the analogy of a Cancer patient and using chemotherapy for treatment. We have been down that road many times with his family and friends which most eventually died of Cancer.  

This is what I heard. “The treatment is like going through chemotherapy. It drains your entire body of your life’s energy. It completely shut downs your immune system. The disease and treatment caused her to lose a lot of her hair.” He continued…”the constant nausea and inability to eat, the insomnia, the vomiting, the weakness, the swelling, the loss of life in her eyes, the death look,” and he kept going…”you make some gains with a type of antibiotic, herb or treatment only to be knocked back down because in a matter of days or weeks the parasites have gained the upper hand once again…then, after doing some research and the doctor saying ‘this usually works’ but it didn’t seem to do the trick for you. So, you try his suggestion, he says that it’s been successful over 95% of the time. You begin the treatment and, bam, your body once again is drained of any life, you begin to wonder if she’s going to pull through it because it has taken every ounce of life force from her but yet she refuses to stop. She tells me, this is my only chance to get better and my life back. For the next couple weeks, you seriously wonder if this was the treatment that would kill her. Yet, she just didn’t give up. Even her doctor told her that most people would have called it quits after the first day. He even told her ‘I thought you fried your heart.’ She just laughs and says, I’ll do whatever it takes to become well again.”

Frozen with emotion at what I had just heard, it occurred to me that he had been there with me every step of the way. He may not have experienced it physically, but he felt everything that I had gone through.

I simply didn’t realize how much he had gone through. I was just too busy trying to become well and regain my life. I never imagined the toll it takes on those standing by. They are right there with you.

When you are crying out with pain, it tears at their heart. When you have sunk so deep in a state of hopelessness, it tears at their heart.

• Each time you fall because there is no more strength in your legs,
• Each night you had to stumble around because you could not see a thing,
• Each time you told him you had to watch a movie again because you couldn’t quite keep up with the dialogue on closed caption because you could no longer hear,
• Each day your entire body felt like it was on fire and you wanted to scream with each breath or every touch,
• Each time you had to run to the restroom because you were severely ill,
• Each time you were burning up and shivering uncontrollably,
• Each time you had to turn down an invitation to do something that you really loved,
• Each time you were punching the pillow because you were so frustrated and angry,
• Each time you were crying because you had had enough,
• Each time you shed a tear for the life you’ve lost,
• Each EKG you had to undergo because your heart was overstressed,
• Each time you had to endure the IV treatment your nurse had to administer or replace your picc line,
• Each time you were rushed to the hospital because your blood pressure was way out of control,
• Each time you were in tremendous pain because your liver was undergoing too much stress,
• Each seizure you underwent,
• Each surge of heart palpitations,
• Each night you could not sleep,
• Every never ending migraine you felt,
• Each jolt of nerve pain that had you breathless,
• Each gasp you took because you couldn’t seem to get enough air,
• Each defeat when the treatment fails to kill those damn bugs,

Bit by bit, it tore at his heart.

What I have learned that it doesn’t matter whether you are the one that is ill or you are the one that is living with someone that is chronically ill, it takes a toll on all of you. They may look good and seem to be doing fine with all that is going on, but there is so much more going on “under their skin”.

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Note: After I wrote this, I thought long and hard about sharing it with all of you. Then, I shared it with a few that had dealt with Cancer and chemotherapy of which a couple had dealt with both Lyme disease and Cancer treatments. What I will always remember: “Lyme disease and Cancer are both very individualistic diseases. In other words, one size doesn’t fit all. Because each of us are different in our genetic makeup, our response to the diseases and our responses to treatments can vary quite significantly from one person to the next.  Just because one person or group of persons responded favorably to a particular antibiotic regimen or chemotherapy regimen doesn’t assure that you will have the same success.” It was also pointed out that you had to listen to your body with whatever protocol you choose to use and use what is necessary, conventional or alternative, or both to achieve success.