Lyme Aware

Tag Archives: perservere

Courage Doesn’t Always Roar

lionroaring“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.” ~ General Norman Schwarzkopf

Courage Doesn’t Always Roar

Many of you are extremely ill and essentially have lost your lives, your families, friends, and livelihood. Your life, as you knew it, has been destroyed, worst of all, many have lost their hope and faith. Or, you are still mourning your life and the person that you used to be. That is why I was so torn and confused with what I am about to share with you.

On the one hand, I didn’t want to shatter your hope. I even thought that was it was for the greater good that I didn’t share this bit of news. But then, my feelings, as my younger sister so eloquently stated, is I do believe in miracles and that you can be cured and regain your life.

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Concealed Tortured Soul

lessons_learned_small1For years now, there have been many heated debates over Lyme Disease and its effects on psychological behaviors or whether there is any affect at all even despite evidence that has been presented. Pamela Weintraub has posted several articles regarding this very issue. Dr. Robert Bransfield has also conducted research on the psychiatric manifestations of Lyme Disease and has had over 200 “peer-reviewed articles describe the causal association between Lyme/tick-borne diseases and mental symptom pathophysiology, morbidity and mortality.”

I am not an expert but what I read the other day; I’d say I would have to agree with Dr. Bransfield and Ms. Weintraub. Lyme Disease can cause erratic behavior especially after discovering an old lost journal of a time that I had long put behind me.  

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I Will Continue to Fight-This Will Not Bring Me Down

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Be strong no matter what and perservere!

After a very long night, nightmare after nightmare, I awoke with swollen knees; my knees hurt and were very stiff. I find that my hands are a wee bit swollen and finger joints are sore. Once again, opening a simple bottle is difficult. I looked in the mirror, my eyes were swollen, and I had black rings under my eyes.

I had not had any of these symptoms for months. As Babe Ruth said:   It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.

It was just so disheartening;

Does this mean my recovery is still miles and miles from reach?

I just could scream, but I didn’t. (I beat up my pillow instead.) I lost a tear or two, but that was all. I swore to myself that I was not going to let this bring me down. I will continue to have faith and recover. Unfortunately, it just won’t be on my timetable.

The more setbacks or obstacles that are thrown at me, the more determined I become that I will beat these beasts. I will keep on fighting!  I will become a success story for those that are suffering and are losing hope. I will, even if it takes everything I have, I will!!!!

(Those of us that get knocked down, must get back up.  We can have our moment, but we must never give up!)

Inspiration:

Celebrating Life! Lessons Learned

Today we have been married for 24 yrs. I’m so blessed and lucky to have my sweetheart in my life. It has been a very rocky road because of all my health issues including chronic Lyme.

So today I’m celebrating totally and wholeheartedly. I am going to make filet mignon, baked cod and potatoes, and mixed vegetables. I am going to enjoy every morsel of it too with no guilt. I am also celebrating life too.

With my aunt at death’s door, I realized that I get to enjoy the sunsets, snowfalls, rainfalls, and my “sweet pea” who always gives me unconditional love, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, friends and all of those simple little pleasures, including this website.

My aunt has made realize how precious my life is despite all those annoying, at times painful, symptoms. I will always remember her and cherish those valuable lessons I have learned from her.  Most of all, life is precious!  Enjoy what you have.

You only get one life.  Live it! 

Gratitude:  Lessons Learned:

Why Not End it All Now? Contemplating Suicide

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I’m not so sure if I am herxing, this just feels different. I looked at the side effects, and a few of the things I’m feeling were under severe side effects and to call doc right away. I feel like a wimp but these last few days have been even harder to get through than “usual”–pretty sad when poorly is an adjective you use to let others know how you are feeling daily.

When we moved here, after a few weeks here, I was on the top of the world. I felt like I had a new beginning.

Now years later, these past few months have been very difficult; I must, I must continue to fight and to try staying positive.

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This Stupid Roller Coaster Ride!

77980hulk1I have been crying the last three days straight, and I am very weepy.  So, I need to vent.

I am just so freaking tired of all of this crap:

losing my hair,

this stupid rash,

taking all of these horrible pills,

taking all these horrible liquid meds and herbs,

my stomach being all icky most of the time,

getting headaches and eye pain when I try to read,

having migraines daily,

my eyes becoming sensitive to light again,

feeling needles and pins in my eye,

numbness and tingling in my feet and hands,

tenderness all long my spine,

being so tired no matter how long I sleep,

having stiff and achy joints,

being so weak at times,

the intermittent nerve pain,

this stupid roller coaster ride,

not being in control of my body,

and feeling so blue each new cycle,

and, most of all, for feeling this way right now.

Maybe this all came to a head because the anniversary of my two best friends’ deaths was yesterday.  Or, the news that my aunt has at most eight weeks to live. 

So very, very angry with myself right now, for feeling this way right now.

(Let yourself be angry.  We can’t always remain positive. We need to let go of the negative energy that’s inside us. Vent, scream or beat a pillow, you need to let it go.)

Lessons Learned:

Life is … A Box of Chocolates

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Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get…

I loved this from Forrest Gump. It was a great day, even despite the horrendous rash that has taken over my body; we drove to Breckenridge, took a little stroll in the snow, and stopped by for lunch at Bubba Gump. You know the shrimp company in the movie.  Delicious!

It took me about 10 minutes to figure the theme out and why the restaurant was called Bubba Gump, but I eventually did, and we had a good laugh. I guess a lot of us here are thinking that we got a pretty nasty box of chocolates…pulling out one nasty tasting chocolate after another…Yuck!

I’d like to think that even if it’s nasty tasting…there is still a sweetness to it, like for instance, the chocolate covering.   So, I savor the chocolate coating and just spit out the rest. At times, it can be difficult, but I will choose this over consuming the bitter taste and keeping it inside me and let the nastiness take over.

Ha, Ha. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. This is something I will always remember from my dad and my two best friends.     May they rest in peace.

Lessons Learned:  Gratitude:

Afraid of the Dark: My Faith Remains

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You must be strong now. You must never give up! When people make you cry, or you are afraid of the dark, don’t forget the light is always there.

I know I heard this or read it somewhere. I need to remember; whether you can see it or not, the light is there. When you need strength, God is always there. I am getting a bit more worried lately that I will lose my sight. The eye pains are becoming more frequent, more intense and for longer durations. My sweetie noticed that I was becoming sensitive to light and suggested that I wear sunglasses.

The thing was, it was night time, and we were in our kitchen. I don’t want a repeat of losing my eyesight as I did previously with Lyme; I just don’t!

What happens when the strong and positive begin to falter?

I’m unsure what they do, but, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to cherish every second that I can just in case the inevitable happens. Until then I’m going to push it out of my mind and love my life. Why worry over something that you have no control over anyway. I will just deal with it if it comes. I did say “if” because I have faith that everything will still be fine. I may shed a couple of tears, but I feel that I will be OK.

Gratitude:  Inspiration:

Laughter is good for the Soul

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After having a phone consult with an LLMD and appointment, I have found out that not only is the Lyme active again but I have three other co-infections and a Liver fluke to boot!!!

Never give up!  Laughter is good for the soul. 

At this same time, my aunt found out that she may need a surgery that is very life-threatening and if she doesn’t do anything at all, she still won’t have much time left on this earth. I have been listening to her and know that I am very lucky. I have a wonderful life and will be able to stay and enjoy my time with family and friends.

I am determined that I am going to remain strong. I am not going to let this beat me. The pain in my eyes, headaches, brain fog, difficulty walking, shooting nerve pain, fever, chills, night sweats, etc., are not going to bring me down! My family and friends tell me that I don’t let them know how I am feeling.

The fact is, that despite all, I still love my life! I enjoy it. I know that I am on this earth only for a given time and I am going to make the most of it! I will try to be there for others that need an ear, a hand, or just a friendly smile. If I can offer some advice, I will try my best to help.

The other night when I was having some pretty bad chest pains along with other things, my husband became worried. He started checking my vitals and had a hard time finding my pulse…I couldn’t help myself. I said, “It’s official, I’m dead.”

He was mortified!  Then I started laughing and so did he. He just doesn’t get me sometimes. A laugh adds twenty minutes to your life. So, I plan on laughing a lot.  If you can’t laugh at yourself or your situation, what can you laugh at?

Lessons Learned:

Lose my Sight? (Again?)

superdog_by_william_krusche_via_flickr_2501Yes, I got scared! Three days in a row I had sharp pains, like pins poking in my left eye. Why did I get scared? Because the first time around I had these symptoms and I lost my sight. Albeit, it was short-lived but an experience I would never like to repeat. Lucky my “baby girl” sensed it before I knew it was coming. (Superdog!) She threw herself at me until I sat down and she was on me…seconds later it was black. She’s my special companion–she’s now 12. My pooch was paralyzed from Lyme Disease a year and a half later from her neck down her body; she recovered.  That’s another long story.

Along with all the other symptoms, I have had and am dealing with this one worries me the most. However, Sunday was a terrific day I felt like myself almost. You have to love those great days. But I still have faith that I will be better and stronger than I was before.  I just have to keep in mind as the LLMD stated about steroids “they are POISON, I mean POISON to your body.” Not that I made my previous decision lightly. I knew the risks and after a good cry was ready to deal with it.

If what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, than many of us here on this site would be much, much, stronger than Superman. Lol  

Lessons Learned:  Pearls of Insight:  Gratitude:

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